Someone rang and was clearly trying to sell something - something they didn’t want.

I now have to manage sets of relationships that are quite complex. It’s a good job I’m such an intelligent, empathetic, caring dog.

I have been my usual non-communicative and non-cooperative self but they have continued to feed me and try to take me for walks.

I’ve been through my full repertoire of moping, sulking and looking pathetic … but with no results.

I have tried putting these things together but all I get is a weird dream and brain hurt.

Of course, many of you, dear readers, will have cognitive problems and may not remember if you’ve read something (similar) before.

No, don’t answer that. It would only frighten me.

What will Alex be wearing tomorrow?

They seem to enjoy it. It makes them think they are looking after me properly.

They are starving me and I’m wasting away.

Whenever I go for a walk, I have to navigate an obstacle course.

As he opened the boot of the car to let me out I heard the noise of thousands of children .